Fire Me Please

For starters I wish I had started writing a blog when I was working at “Devils ISP” (not the real name, I just don’t want to get sued), but of course the proxy prevented me from getting very far, oh the stories I could tell.

I worked at the internet helpdesk serving the general public, served is the correct term because the general public think we are slaves catering for their every need.

“Yes Master”

You can imagine us as slaves of Egypt, thousands of us working towards one goal of building great monuments for Pharaohs, and when you were burnt out, you were discarded like a pair of skid marked underpants.

This was not my Destiny. Rice will not stand for working at the Devils feet; Rice will rise up and do what any good employee would do….

…get fired…preferably with a BANG!!!.

So the plan, 18 months worth of planning, was to drive my boss slowly to the brink of insanity, having 5 different bosses didn’t help, it just required more effort and lateral thinking.

1. Get as many complaints from customers as possible, to hell with customer service; if I wanted to help people I would have joined Green Peace.
I AM YOUR MANAGER!!!

2. Tell boss politely to get stuffed.

3. Disregard any advice from upper management (including washing hands after going to bathroom).

4. Get the Gay people to claim Heterophobia.

5. Constantly complain about everything, its too hot, its too cold, its too warm, too much light, too little light, there’s just enough light but that’s against my religion.

6. Destroy company services and equipment

Unfortunately I didn’t get fired after 18 months of this; I did however create the legend of John Smith.

I was the infamous John Smith, when fear strikes the heart of a customer, where support staff provides no support what-so-ever, where complaints reach deaf ears… John Smith was there….