The Won Tons of Doom
The day started off grand, sunny skies, chilly winter weather, 6am on my day off and I was happy, very unusual. I hopped on the train to meet a friend; it was to a place I had never been to before.
First thing I saw when I got off the train were bogans, not 1 or 2, but dozens of them, of every race, gender and age, it was like a Casey Chambers concert.
Then the fights began, not 5min into arriving the bogans pounced on each other, civil war began (The Brown Coats Vs The Brown Coats), scenes reminiscent of “Bum Fights” appeared in front of me, WWF smack down, Shazza Vs Dazza.
What was the fight about?
Drugs of course
So I hereby rename this place, Cracktown
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I met up with my friend and told him my plan, making Won Tons, being the asian half of my relationship I have a duty to my people to make asian food, therefore since im not speaking to my mother any more (ill cover this one in a later blog), I had to get my wonton recipe off of google.
My buddy goes: “Won Tons are the easiest thing you can make, you can’t go wrong”.
Apparently I am soon to find out that I CAN go wrong
First things first, the Mrs and I leave the house only to remember 2hrs later that I forgot the recipe list at home, my short term memory is as reliable as a goldfish. So I go to the asian groceries and guess what I need. I get everything including eye-of-newt.
Next on the agenda is a blender, I don’t own one, the Lebanese sales man tries to give me a “good deal” on a blender, I promptly refuse and explain:
“Listen buddy, im only gonna use this thing once, so im not gonna pay a lot for it”
“OK Mate, $40”, I start walking out the door, “fine, $35”
“OK” I say, “wrap it up”
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At home, I place the chopped up pork in to the blender as instructed by the recipe, blender blades whirring away and within 30secs smoke starts bellowing out the bottom of the machine. Hmmm that’s peculiar.
I ask she who knows all about white goods, “ahhh is this normal”
She who now laughs at me said the blender would not handle this pork.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We return the blender and get it replaced, this time my wifeys cousin comes over,
Cousin grinds the blender into mush, totally ignoring the smoke coming out until the motor just gives out.
I have just enough pork mush to make some wontons, after boiling them for 30min, the yellow parcels look good enough to eat, they are how ever wontons from hell, I had put too much ginger in, where it had said teaspoon I put in tablespoon, making ginger balls,
I wished for death after eating them.
Lesson to be learned, eye of newt is tastier than ginger.
First thing I saw when I got off the train were bogans, not 1 or 2, but dozens of them, of every race, gender and age, it was like a Casey Chambers concert.
Then the fights began, not 5min into arriving the bogans pounced on each other, civil war began (The Brown Coats Vs The Brown Coats), scenes reminiscent of “Bum Fights” appeared in front of me, WWF smack down, Shazza Vs Dazza.
What was the fight about?
Drugs of course
So I hereby rename this place, Cracktown
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I met up with my friend and told him my plan, making Won Tons, being the asian half of my relationship I have a duty to my people to make asian food, therefore since im not speaking to my mother any more (ill cover this one in a later blog), I had to get my wonton recipe off of google.
My buddy goes: “Won Tons are the easiest thing you can make, you can’t go wrong”.
Apparently I am soon to find out that I CAN go wrong
First things first, the Mrs and I leave the house only to remember 2hrs later that I forgot the recipe list at home, my short term memory is as reliable as a goldfish. So I go to the asian groceries and guess what I need. I get everything including eye-of-newt.
Next on the agenda is a blender, I don’t own one, the Lebanese sales man tries to give me a “good deal” on a blender, I promptly refuse and explain:
“Listen buddy, im only gonna use this thing once, so im not gonna pay a lot for it”
“OK Mate, $40”, I start walking out the door, “fine, $35”
“OK” I say, “wrap it up”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At home, I place the chopped up pork in to the blender as instructed by the recipe, blender blades whirring away and within 30secs smoke starts bellowing out the bottom of the machine. Hmmm that’s peculiar.
I ask she who knows all about white goods, “ahhh is this normal”
She who now laughs at me said the blender would not handle this pork.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We return the blender and get it replaced, this time my wifeys cousin comes over,
Cousin grinds the blender into mush, totally ignoring the smoke coming out until the motor just gives out.
I have just enough pork mush to make some wontons, after boiling them for 30min, the yellow parcels look good enough to eat, they are how ever wontons from hell, I had put too much ginger in, where it had said teaspoon I put in tablespoon, making ginger balls,
I wished for death after eating them.
Lesson to be learned, eye of newt is tastier than ginger.
posted by Ric33r at 8:19 PM
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