I smoke rocks
Let me tell you something, I have Gall stones, 3 of the little buggers.
Last week I had a gall stone attack that left me in the hospital for oh I dunno, 12 hours.
My work day was about to end and I had cold KFC for lunch, really bad choice for someone with gall stones, within about 15min I could feel the pain coming on and took what ever drugs I had on hand.
I got home and curled up into a ball; foetal position is actually quite comfortable, Cookie has this habit of annoying me for various reasons, she wanted me to get out of my ball. I assured her I was fine and to leave me alone,,,
,,,and then 30min later we were at the hospital, it would have been 20min if she hadn’t been screwing around and ass bagging, never mind that I could barely breath.
Ill digress for a min, if I told Cookie that I was a bomb defuser and I had to get to a bomb location by 3PM, we would arrive by 3:30PM, she’s THAT slow, we never catch trains on time and we are never early for anything. In fact if Cookie worked for CTU then Jack Bauer would have shot her by now.
Back at the hospital I got to see a doctor right away, unlike when I showed up last time at 2AM I had to wait 2hours, the doc was an Indian man who didn’t seem to know which way was up, he kept putting his hand on my belly at every question and I would scream every time he did it.
Then the stabbing began, every single doctor has drawn blood first and then injected me with their Ebola concoctions, this nurse artificially inseminated the IV drip and then realised I had no veins, yeah im fat, but that’s no excuse to ignore my advice when im pointing to a particular spot when they bring out the needle.
Me: “Here’s a vein all the doctors take blood from, trust me it will be easier there”
Nurse: “Sit down Mr Rice, we are professionals, we know what we are doing”
Professionals don’t stab me six times in my left arm to get 100ml of blood, one guy just guessed and stabbed anywhere, one stabbed me in my wrist, one nurse had my arm in mid-air and put two needles into my inner elbow, then she started wiggling it around and told me to relax, so I put my knee into her hip.
The next guy put a needle in my hand, it hurt.
Me: “Im gonna f**ken kill you”
Doc: “Chutty, chutty, are you taking to me”
Me: “Yes!!!”
*STAB*
Me: “You mother…….Grrrrrrrrr”
All in all I did get like 7 point something of morphine, that’s 1.5 needles worth of morphine; it did nothing for the pain, I can see why junkies like it so much.
After my ultrasound given to me by some glorified receptionists I have been diagnosed with an enlarged liver, which means I can’t walk, my back hurts and I have to pee every 15min, I feel like a pregnant woman.
2 weeks later, I can walk now, my back still hurts and im not pregnant.
Lesson learned, I smoke rocks biatch
Last week I had a gall stone attack that left me in the hospital for oh I dunno, 12 hours.
My work day was about to end and I had cold KFC for lunch, really bad choice for someone with gall stones, within about 15min I could feel the pain coming on and took what ever drugs I had on hand.
I got home and curled up into a ball; foetal position is actually quite comfortable, Cookie has this habit of annoying me for various reasons, she wanted me to get out of my ball. I assured her I was fine and to leave me alone,,,
,,,and then 30min later we were at the hospital, it would have been 20min if she hadn’t been screwing around and ass bagging, never mind that I could barely breath.
Ill digress for a min, if I told Cookie that I was a bomb defuser and I had to get to a bomb location by 3PM, we would arrive by 3:30PM, she’s THAT slow, we never catch trains on time and we are never early for anything. In fact if Cookie worked for CTU then Jack Bauer would have shot her by now.
Back at the hospital I got to see a doctor right away, unlike when I showed up last time at 2AM I had to wait 2hours, the doc was an Indian man who didn’t seem to know which way was up, he kept putting his hand on my belly at every question and I would scream every time he did it.
Then the stabbing began, every single doctor has drawn blood first and then injected me with their Ebola concoctions, this nurse artificially inseminated the IV drip and then realised I had no veins, yeah im fat, but that’s no excuse to ignore my advice when im pointing to a particular spot when they bring out the needle.
Me: “Here’s a vein all the doctors take blood from, trust me it will be easier there”
Nurse: “Sit down Mr Rice, we are professionals, we know what we are doing”
Professionals don’t stab me six times in my left arm to get 100ml of blood, one guy just guessed and stabbed anywhere, one stabbed me in my wrist, one nurse had my arm in mid-air and put two needles into my inner elbow, then she started wiggling it around and told me to relax, so I put my knee into her hip.
The next guy put a needle in my hand, it hurt.
Me: “Im gonna f**ken kill you”
Doc: “Chutty, chutty, are you taking to me”
Me: “Yes!!!”
*STAB*
Me: “You mother…….Grrrrrrrrr”
All in all I did get like 7 point something of morphine, that’s 1.5 needles worth of morphine; it did nothing for the pain, I can see why junkies like it so much.
After my ultrasound given to me by some glorified receptionists I have been diagnosed with an enlarged liver, which means I can’t walk, my back hurts and I have to pee every 15min, I feel like a pregnant woman.
2 weeks later, I can walk now, my back still hurts and im not pregnant.
Lesson learned, I smoke rocks biatch
posted by Ric33r at 8:04 AM
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