J to the C, Yo

Not many people actually realise but I am a Christian, they don’t realise because I don’t act like one. The one major difference between me and the next door knocker is that I don’t preach about Jesus, it’s not my thing.

What annoys me most is when other Christians want something done, not putting up a shelf or fixing PCs, im talking about stuff that would make a prostitute blush, things that are perfectly acceptable but morally objectionable.

Personality wise im an understanding type of guy, you need someone killed, sure, no problem.

I am the Jack Bauer of the church, getting things done at all costs.

Here’s the downer part, once the job is done they don’t speak to me, like im some kind of leper and the job was some sort of secret mission from the CIA and we are not meant to discuss.

So when im asked to do anything now the answer is no, blessed are the Ori.

Lesson learned, Don’t rely on Rice, Rely on Jesus

Smile like you mean it

“Smile and take it like a bitch”, was a very common expression at Devils ISP, mostly because as low as we were, there was always room to move down.

The air-con died, water would stop running and payroll would forget to pay you and then promised to pay you in the next pay run, which was 2 week later.

But the calls, they were endless.

Rain, hail or senseless idiot, the calls would not stop.

Once there was a fire drill and we were evacuating the building, a colleague had a customer on the line that refused to let him leave.

Sam: Sir, the fire alarm is going off; I need to leave the building
Cust: I don’t care if the building is on fire, your fixing my internet
Sam: The welfare of the staff is on the line, I have to leave
Cust: I said no, fix my computer.

If it were me I would have hung up and left, frankly I don’t need a fire alarm to hang-up on people,

A friend of mine asked why I have the attitude of a rattle snake when concerning customers.

To put it simply, I was not always like this; I used to be a nice guy.

Dealing with moronic people all day every day for 1.5years takes a toll.

We were told to smile, cause the customer can “see” it as we speak, we had to jump thru hoops, once your done dealing with either a moron, dictator or manager. You move on to take the next call, and then the next call, and then the next call.

You recover from the blows the customers deal but the psychological and spiritual scars never heal, the customers eat at your soul till theirs nothing left and you’re a burnt out empty husk of your former self.

If you do not understand now what its like to work at Devils ISP then please crawl back under the rock you came from.

Lesson learned, no air-con and water make Rice go crazy

The HR letter

Ive been quite busy at work and havnt had time to write anything fancy. So im rehashing some old material i wrote in the previous job.

Here is a letter from a homeless man, hes asking for a job at Devils ISP.

Name John Doe,


Hello HR, I have been a hobo for many years and id like a job at your company.

My experience in computers in limited but I did once rob a guy in front of the ATM at knife point,

I have all my earthly possessions in my supermarket trolley and have slept in the trolley for many years.

Please give me a job.

I haven’t had a job since the 80s and have been giving blow jobs for money to get by, please consider my application seriously,

Please give me a job.


Yours sincerely John Doe





Reply from HR


Thank you for your application Mr Doe, unfortunately you do not have the necessary experience for the role of Customer Service Representative, however:

You have many attribute for a management position, pushing trolleys is a highly sought skill in this industry, also your ability to do what needs to be done and to let heads roll where necessary is a quality we need.



We have concerns about your ability to give a blow job, management does not want to grab you by the ears and train you but with all your years of experience we think you will do very well,



Yours truly, HR team,



P.S. YOU’RE HIRED!!!