Goodbye 2U, KTHXBAI

My ass crack showing work mate Sue has left and is off on a road trip to never never land, second pineapple on the right and on till morning.

Thing is, I like people to leave with a theme song, my exit song at Deviltech (previously referred to as Devils ISP) was Aladdin’s – A Whole New World. Pretty exciting stuff.

So I present to you courtesy of YouTube, now a subsidy of Google, Sue’s exit theme song.

Michelle branch with Goodbye to you

Bogans Heroes

Bogans, you gots love them, I think they are the number one form of entertainment in Australia, they are not seen on regular TV as the censorship people probably won’t allow it, but on the news they are plentiful

For those non-Australians I have a definition for you from Wikipedia.

Bogan (pronounced / bow-gun /, which rhymes with slogan) is an Australian and New Zealand English slang term, generally pejorative, for a person who is, or is perceived to be, unsophisticated or of a lower class background. The stereotype defines the speech and mannerisms of "bogans" to indicate poor education and uncultured upbringing. It mostly encompasses white, working-class people.

When crap goes down in Australia, bogans are usually responsible, I wouldn’t be surprised if they assassinated JFK but I don’t think they’ve been around that long.

What kind of news articles do bogans inspire, well there’s:

‘Child attacked by family pet’
Pit-bull attacks unsupervised child, parents claim dog is part of family and refuse to put it down. Child attacks and kills dog; parents want to put down child, as child now has taste of blood.

‘New born in the dryer’
Babies mamma leaves child in care of new boyfriend so she can grab some smokos and grog. Dopey ass guy gives the baby a bath and then puts baby in dryer.

‘Flag outrages community’
Parents find that their 5yr old likes a brightly coloured flag and hang said flag on the flag pole. Neighbours come over and tell them it’s actually a swastika, to which they reply “we didn’t know what it was”.

Uneducated is an understatement, once sure way of identifying a bogan is the pronunciation of certain words, Minto for example is a suburb in Sydney, which is normally pronounces Min-Toe, bogans pronounce this as Min-Oh. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

Recently when shopping Cookie announced to me that there were so many bogans around that it seemed like a Casey Chambers concert, how right she was.

I had the unfortunate experience of going out with one when I was a teen, not so many years ago, she didn’t do the whole smack talk routine of slurred words, but from what my friends tell me, she smelled a bit (see as how I don’t have a sense of smell I didn’t notice, but that’s a story for another time, kids), and then she gave me fleas (Rices tale of woe will be covered at a later date).

Things are pretty dandy if they are not around but if you happen to work with one (like me) or live near some (like me) then get the brick-proof windows ready.

Lesson learned, Burn cloths after meeting bogans.

Gym Tales

I recently went back to doing weights, some people who know me are wondering “You? Weights? Nahhhhhhh”, yeah, I was quite buff when I was doing regular hours but working at Devils ISP changed all that.

3:45pm start for a week, 4:15pm start for a week, 4:56 start for a week, what kind of numb nut starts people shifts by playing ‘pin the tail on the donkey’, I worked afternoon shift with barely or no weekends off.

Day shift was reserved for those people who like the taste of penis.

Who can work out this fabulous body with such irregular shifts, combine that with the noodle diet and you got yourself one unhealthy person. No vitamins in Mi Goreng.

Anyway, back at the farm I borrowed some dumb bells off a friend who was using them for paper weights. So now its me, a chair and a spare room.

Some people don’t know that this body required 4hrs a day in the gym to look this good.

My lack of posts over the past few weeks was because of a few things, one of them being a team change at Hardies which also means roster reshuffle, the 2nd being my acquisition of my own personal slaves.

Work experience, slaves, same things to me, they are here to do my bidding; they will strap wings to their backs and be flying monkeys if I wish. I am well on my way to world domination. .

Lesson learned, pushing for just one more might bust a vein or two